Category Archives: Humor

Video: Dogs who fail at being… dogs

Yesterday, I saw the video that I included below. I must admit it gave me a good belly laugh since I can easily think of one of our furbuddies that falls into this category. It would be Mr. Bentley, our Shih Tzu.

Yep… I can totally see him at the 1:31 mark in this video, and although he is clumsy, we love him anyway! 🙂

Emo Carrot…

Leaf this pour soul alone! Don’t you care about his peelings?

Emo Carrot

Random Silliness…

I adore Siberian huskies and I love corny jokes…

Combine the two and this is what you get!

 

Nobody Knows

 

I can’t take credit for this, it appeared on my Facebook page.

Happy New Year! No new years resolutions for 2014

A few people have asked me did I make any New Years resolutions and I told them no. I have short and long term goals. I add or delete as needed.

Calvin Hobbes New years resolution

Calvin & Hobbes is one of my favorite comic strips. I always get a chuckle at the panel that I’ve included above.

If you’re thinking of tasering yourself, dont!

Here’s a humorous post that I saw on Facebook…

Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety….??

WAY TOO COOL!!!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I’d get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn’t be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taster in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5″ long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself… ‘no possible way!’ What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best….?

I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, ‘don’t do it dipshit,’ reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ‘ol thing couldn’t hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and …

HOLY MOTHER OF !!! . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I’m pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to ‘mug’ yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I’m still looking for my nuts and I’m offering a significant reward for their safe return!

P.S… My wife, can’t stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!

Video: Protective Daddy

Amazing the things you’ll find on the internet, right?

Yesterday, I stumbled upon this video and I couldn’t help but chuckle. I wasn’t laughing at the child’s distress but laughed at how the bird reacted after it got some of the same treatment it dealt to the child! The big scary human (I’m guessing the father) who disciplined that bird, was obviously not fine with the bird doing that to his child. And do you blame him? I may be vegan, but I’m not about to put an animal above humans. Yes, I’d have done something similar.

As a child my parents raised birds for eating; chickens, geese, ducks, guinea fowl… A few of those birds were quite territorial! I must say it was interesting to see that a few of the animals could be just as mean spirited as some people! Who would have thought that was possible, right? Listening to some folks, you think that all animals are angels. Yeah right! <sarcasm> With our birds, occasionally paybacks happened to the feathered bully, and I always got a chuckle out of that when something larger or stronger came along and shut down the birds aggressive behavior. Cowards! Those bully birds would always run away when another bird stepped up to the challenge. I think this particular bird is a rhea, and it looks like it got a dose of it’s own behavior. Sure, they’re could have been a logical reason that caused the bird to react the way it did, getting to close to its nest, babies, etc., but to be honest I’m not going to be thinking about that if my daughter is getting attacked. Momma bear mode will be in full effect, everyone (including animals) better watch out! 😉

In other news..

It’s been a bit busy and so I haven’t been online that much. Thursday one of my bank cards was compromised, and so I received a call from the issuing cards fraud department. Nothing was charged to my account, instead the charges were denied since according to the fraud department they didn’t appear to be transactions I’d made. I’m not sure how they determined that. I must say that I’m pleased since it would have been over $3500 worth of charges. I use identify theft protection, it’s an additional fee I pay monthly that attempts to block account fraud.

Thursday evening, my daughter got the stomach flu. She was very sick until Monday but the great news is she started feeling better yesterday. I still kept her home from school though. She’s looking forward to going back to school today.